Thursday, April 30, 2009

*REAL* Horoscope For Aries 4/5/09

"One particular matter or issue that is growing out of proportion and affect everything else may well dip and then rise up again unexpectedly, and the evening influences certainly won’t help. However, working in your favor is the fact that you won’t feel like throwing in the towel at all!"  www.horoscopes.com 

You probably should have thrown in the towel after the 6th "evening influence"

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Please Don't Cry


It's not like this photo will end up on the internet.

An Incident at Subway


"You try and charge me 6 dollars for a 5 dollar footlong. Not today asshole."

Nudie Bar Girl

"I need that blow for my job. Here I have a note from my bouncer."

Friday, April 24, 2009

Female Taye Diggs



"I was just trying to get my groove back"

"Hey, I didn't get arrested." -Taye

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Michi-Gun Kelly




"Kids can't tie me down. I'M GOING TO THAT HOODIE CONVENTION."

Huntress S. Thompson

The substance was love.

Oh, You Broward County Girls


I hope that sour expression isn't a handful of pills dissolving in your mouth because that seems par for the course down there. 

I'm Sorry Officer

"I just heard the funniest joke. That's why I was swerving all over the road. Alright, do you like fish sticks? OK, do you like to put them in your mouth?"

What, You Haven't Heard?

"At 4'11'' you'd want to get high too."

Monday, April 20, 2009

Soccer Mom Gone Wrong


"I got 37,000 pairs of Pamper's Pullups in the mini-van. How many you want?"

Ashley Ann Appleseed


Just a few years ago she was reading Johnny Appleseed. Now she's living it.

NEW FLORIDA LAW

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Ethical Quandary



Ordinarily both of these young women would qualify for this blog being both Hot Chicks and being In Trouble With The Law. However the thorough staff of The Smoking Gun managed to track down their mug shots the same time we did. Should we make posts even though we've been scooped by a prestigious internet institution?  Or should we carry on because we're funnier and we don't poach from their site?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

Also they both have freckles and that's almost a deal breaker right there. 

Middle Eastern Anne Hathaway

"Rachel Getting Married should have been my movie damn it. I freakin' lived that character."

Fashion Felon

The real crime is giving up make-up in exchange for overalls. 

It's like you don't even want to be on our blog.

The Statistical Anomaly

Against every generalization, the not so young Jennifer still looks amazing given her age.  Maybe her driver's license was taken away because no one believed she's 36.

Orange Dreamsicle Elfen

No Panties: She was busted with Elfajuana on her way to a re-enactment of Lord of the Smoke Rings.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Arm Slings Are The New Tramp Stamp

"They actually had to specially bring in this gray background so I wouldn't disappear against the wall."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This Is All A Big Mistake

"That U-turn was to go back over the border.  Have you seen your economy? Seriously, let me go and you can come with me."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Put Your Hands Together Ladies And Gentlemen

It's Black Steve-O!  A round of applause for Black Steve-O!

Helen of Tampa.

You may have failed the breathalyzer. But you have won our hearts.

-Love your pals, Mr. Bing Bing, No Panties, and Slambo Jones

Everything is an audition.


Sarah pulled out her battery operated fan when it was time for her mugshot.
You never know who is watching.

"2009 Stockbridge Shrimp Festival, Not all its cracked up to be."

Ashely Joe! Ashley Ann! Check out my raccoon impression! I'm a driving raccoon! Give me that beer!

I'm not ready for my close up Mr. Demille

Young Jessica was caught trying to shoplift a cool new appearance so she wouldn't look so concerned/surprised for her mug shot.  Maybe next time.

Broward County

She may not be the prettiest but two counts of armed robbery and two counts of kidnapping have to count for something. Also, Broward has some fucked up people. The hair weave girl from earlier attacked a pregnant woman with a deadly weapon.

The Bandit Must've Let Smokey Catch Her

This is what I imagine a 30 something Sally Field would look like if the whole flying nun thing never took off and she had to resort to a life of petty crime.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

You can't find Easter Eggs when you're drunk.

I hope your family gets you out of jail in time for Easter.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Up Dawson's Creek without a paddle.

Sings, "I don't wanna wait, for Callie Camille to be pulled over"

Woman's Clothing, Half Off

She was charged with having titted windows.


Mr. Bing Bing: "Have you ever seen anyone that looked this bad?"

Slambo Jones: "Not intentionally."

Convertible: 1 Weave: 0



Don't worry, honey.  One day you'll meet the right hair brush and settle down.


Vicoden, Xanax, and Rophynol



In a failed guerrilla marketing stunt. Amanda's multiple prescription painkiller arrests did little to promote her electronica band, "Amanda and the Pills".

Monster 2



Laura Leigh is preparing for her role in Monster 2.

Tiny Mug!



Get this girl a crate.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

I Can't Stay Mad At You

Last night my car was broken into again. To keep from being pissed off all day, I'm going to pretend that young Brittany did it.

Ah look at that.  She's adorable.  Who could be mad at her?  She looks like a tinier version of Meg Ryan.  She looks like...  Wait a second.  She looks like she's 12.  What the fuck is she doing in the adult detention center?  Battery?!  Who'd press charges against her?  I don't think she can even open a fucking pickle jar.

What was I mad about, again?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Adidas will you please return my calls?



"I want my Nike sponsorship back."
Pamela-Cougar

Sleepy Beauty

"I swear I just need a nap. I have a no idea how those stereos got into my garage."

Monday, April 6, 2009

Dottie Jo Real American Hero



"I don't care if you're 12 or 80. I'll fuck you up!"
-Dottie Jo, Catfight winner/provocateur.

Wrong Continent

Outside the savannas of Africa, Young Mariaugenia's zebra print camouflage did little to hide her from the police.

Hello, face, meet steering wheel. Steering wheel, meet face.

You should smile more, Jodi. You're so pretty when you smile.

Confession Time

OK, I admit it. I framed young Jessica. We needed a Hot Chick and they weren't getting arrested fast enough.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Tiffany Ann



Don't fuck with Tiffany Ann.

Aliens masquerading as Hot Chicks in Trouble with the Law




They're here. The greys have landed.

This one was caught stealing Mentos, "the freshmaker".

New Best Friends


Hey Crystal Ann.

Meet Crystal Meth.

PLEASE DISREGARD THE PREVIOUS POST.

Sorry guys. My bad.

That's a dude.

Ashley #2



Ashley can't seem to lay off the ditch weed.
She needs a better man in her life. Like me.