Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Oh Mandy, I mean Oh Lisa,


Your back!

Your Probation Officer must have a thing for you.

Candice




To bad you killed those people.

I'll see you in another life. When we are cats.

Monday, March 30, 2009

How unconcerned


She must have been pulled over by a female officer.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Ashley-Definition Included.



If those of you don't know.

All Ashley's are crazy.

Oh there goes that crazy Ashley again, driving with that suspended license.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Oh Mandy, I mean Lisa




How happy you made me, Oh Lisa
Well, you came and you gave without takin'
But I sent you away, Oh Lisa.
well, you kissed me and stopped me from shakin'
and I need you today. Oh, Lisa!

Too bad your in jail.

-Guest Contributor-Barry Manilow

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

For the Love of Art.


Jessica was always a resourceful girl. After all, she was the one who
taught her friends how to shop lift lip gloss in middle school. But
her dabbling in the world of candy flavored lip gloss was short lived,
as one day in 1993 a friend of hers handed her a tape of Mudhoney's
"Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge."

And so it began.

She couldn't get enough and before you knew it she had already spent
her entire college fund on the Subpop back catalog and a downpayment
on house in Seattle.

But even after the house was foreclosed, Kurt Cobain died, and her
friends moved on to newer, "more enjoyable" music forms, she remained
the lone holdout.

Even after moving back to Georgia, she would do whatever she could to
keep the spirit of 1991 alive.

Well, one day she was looking on the internet and noticed that someone
was selling a lot of props from the movie "Singles." It was her
favorite movie of all time and she simply had to have it. The only
problem was the price tag: $200.

Two hundred dollars that she didn't have. But it was two hundred
dollars that she needed.

So she did what any girl would do, she dipped the end of her hair into
pink dye and hit the streets. Within three hours she had made almost
$100 and was closing in on the second hundred with an older gentlemen
who was trying to negotiate the precise cost of his particular and
disturbing fetish. She was just about to agree to a Bellevue Bottom
when the cops swept in and charged her with two counts of prostition.

They had been watching her all night. With a video camera.

When they brought her into the station they told her she was being
charged with two counts of prostitution, she counted by saying she
should be charged with one count of "caring too much about art."

Her plea was ignored.

--By Guest Contributor Christian Landers--

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Joovey hall here I come!



It was a rainy day at Stone Mountain Public Highschool when Sheontay sighted her sweetheart Domingo playing assgrab with NaTonya Julio Alvarez. NaTonya was built like a brickhouse. She could have been on the cover of Smoov Girl Magazine. If the photo covered both the front and back.

According to police. Sheontay beat up her mom who was drunk at the time and took her colt 45. The gun not the 40 oz. beverage. She took the weapon to school cleverly concealed in a half-eaten bag of Fritos. At 11.27 am, the perpetrator kicked into the door of Mr. Jason's home economics class. Screaming, "YOU LAY THEM MEATY HANDS OFF MY MAN YOU DOUBLE-WIDE BITCH!"

She pulled the gun out of bag and attempted to unload. But the chip grease caused the gun to flee her hands and land on the floor. Mr. Jason screamed and ran out of the room like the effininate woman he is. Fortunately highschool football star Bruce Ditmeyer Jr. was Johnny on the Spot and sucker punched her.

Police arrived shortly after. She did not finish her chips.