Thursday, June 18, 2009

Pouty Pose

Collagen injections at 21. That's the crime- or is it?

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Isn't This a School Night?

Sorry, Honey. The Girls Gone Wild taping is the other way. This is the jail.

Monday, May 25, 2009

The Recession

"First my soap company went under and now my crystal meth company ? Fuck You Barack Obama!"

Blonde and Grounded

"I should have taken mass transit. Now it looks like i'm taking it forever."
-Andrea

Lets Make a Deal!


Since when is asking the judge, "If I give you a BJ, I can go right?" against the law?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Missing Spice

If she was a Spice Girl she'd be "Business Casual Spice"

G.I. Jane

It's hard to dodge security when you're running out the store with 50 bottles of volumizing conditioner.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Be My Angel of the Morning

The other agency must be Playboy.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Sun Worshipper

Don't sweat the DUI. Worry about that mole turning into melanoma. 

Monday, May 18, 2009

From Deep In the Archives

One can only wonder what crime this mysterious Girl Next Door was charged with.  With our shoddy record keeping, we may never know.

It was probably raping a nun after killing a panda.

Friday, May 15, 2009

I Wish Your Name Was Kelly

Then I could call you "Crazy-Eyed Kelly".

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Economics Lesson

 Don't worry, Someday you'll make it to the big leagues, Grand Theft. Actually with inflation, everything worth stealing is going to be over $100 soon anyway.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Classic MySpace Pose

"Here, this is my good side. The other one has a piece of metal stuck in it."

100 Pounds of Smoldering Anger

"Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry. You really won't like me when I'm drunk and angry."

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Happy 30'th

You can exhale now. You're officially a cougar.

No Insults


Because I Think I love you.

Monday, May 4, 2009

I'll give you a Lapdance if you let me go.


Strippers shouldn't be in charge of driving themselves.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

MY WEINER DOG IS BARKING

BECAUSE HER TITS ARE TRESPASSING IN MY FACE.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Doodoowanna Monga Monga!



She came from 65,000,000 BC.

Where it was socially acceptable to hit children with clubs. Because.... There was no society.

What are you smilin' at?

Hey, poor stupid! Shut your mouth,when I'm beating your ass!

-guest contributor- Marshall Sweet

Two Weeks Off The Compound


Miss South Florida Fence 2009 Runner-Up

She bobbled the Q/A round.

Poker In Front-- No Really

Would you like fries with that indictment?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

*REAL* Horoscope For Aries 4/5/09

"One particular matter or issue that is growing out of proportion and affect everything else may well dip and then rise up again unexpectedly, and the evening influences certainly won’t help. However, working in your favor is the fact that you won’t feel like throwing in the towel at all!"  www.horoscopes.com 

You probably should have thrown in the towel after the 6th "evening influence"

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Please Don't Cry


It's not like this photo will end up on the internet.

An Incident at Subway


"You try and charge me 6 dollars for a 5 dollar footlong. Not today asshole."

Nudie Bar Girl

"I need that blow for my job. Here I have a note from my bouncer."

Friday, April 24, 2009

Female Taye Diggs



"I was just trying to get my groove back"

"Hey, I didn't get arrested." -Taye

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Michi-Gun Kelly




"Kids can't tie me down. I'M GOING TO THAT HOODIE CONVENTION."

Huntress S. Thompson

The substance was love.

Oh, You Broward County Girls


I hope that sour expression isn't a handful of pills dissolving in your mouth because that seems par for the course down there. 

I'm Sorry Officer

"I just heard the funniest joke. That's why I was swerving all over the road. Alright, do you like fish sticks? OK, do you like to put them in your mouth?"

What, You Haven't Heard?

"At 4'11'' you'd want to get high too."

Monday, April 20, 2009

Soccer Mom Gone Wrong


"I got 37,000 pairs of Pamper's Pullups in the mini-van. How many you want?"

Ashley Ann Appleseed


Just a few years ago she was reading Johnny Appleseed. Now she's living it.

NEW FLORIDA LAW

Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Ethical Quandary



Ordinarily both of these young women would qualify for this blog being both Hot Chicks and being In Trouble With The Law. However the thorough staff of The Smoking Gun managed to track down their mug shots the same time we did. Should we make posts even though we've been scooped by a prestigious internet institution?  Or should we carry on because we're funnier and we don't poach from their site?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

Also they both have freckles and that's almost a deal breaker right there. 

Middle Eastern Anne Hathaway

"Rachel Getting Married should have been my movie damn it. I freakin' lived that character."

Fashion Felon

The real crime is giving up make-up in exchange for overalls. 

It's like you don't even want to be on our blog.

The Statistical Anomaly

Against every generalization, the not so young Jennifer still looks amazing given her age.  Maybe her driver's license was taken away because no one believed she's 36.

Orange Dreamsicle Elfen

No Panties: She was busted with Elfajuana on her way to a re-enactment of Lord of the Smoke Rings.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Arm Slings Are The New Tramp Stamp

"They actually had to specially bring in this gray background so I wouldn't disappear against the wall."

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

This Is All A Big Mistake

"That U-turn was to go back over the border.  Have you seen your economy? Seriously, let me go and you can come with me."

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Put Your Hands Together Ladies And Gentlemen

It's Black Steve-O!  A round of applause for Black Steve-O!

Helen of Tampa.

You may have failed the breathalyzer. But you have won our hearts.

-Love your pals, Mr. Bing Bing, No Panties, and Slambo Jones

Everything is an audition.


Sarah pulled out her battery operated fan when it was time for her mugshot.
You never know who is watching.

"2009 Stockbridge Shrimp Festival, Not all its cracked up to be."

Ashely Joe! Ashley Ann! Check out my raccoon impression! I'm a driving raccoon! Give me that beer!